The CfE Chronicles

Dear Cinder-flippin-Ella,
My 2-year old had his first time out today at school. For taking toys away from other children and then for continuously pushing a little girl (while laughing at his fun game) and thus making her cry. Am I failing as a parent? What do I do when my baby is the class bully?
Signed, Spawned a Bully

Dear Spawned,
Cinder-flippin-Ella recommends that you immediately change daycares, without hesitation. Not because your child has been unfairly mistreated, but because this is the type of behavior that indicates "serial killer." And quite frankly, you do not want to allow the good daycare people enough time to get to know your family so that they can be interviewed for Dateline in 15 years. Because it always comes back to poor parenting and phrases such as "he liked to hurt small animals as a young boy." Yes, you are failing as a parent; the most you can hope for right now is to be known as the Mom of That Weird Boy That No One Plays With....and good luck with that one.

The Cinder-flippin-Ella Chronicles

Dear Cinder-flippin-Ella,
My dear godmother just gave me a fairly new minivan. Unfortunately, when I opened it up, there were 3 kids inside, ranging from 2 years to 15 years of age, and apparently, I must keep them. Since you are a domestic goddess (we all bow to you for keeping your stepmother's home spotless all those years and now the castle), what would you recommend as a necessary item for the minivan?
Signed, Cheezits-in-my-Seat from Bow Legs


Well, Cheezits, not all of us are blessed with perfection or "happily ever after." As a domestic goddess, I would recommend keeping a small blanket or bath towel in the minivan for several reasons. 1) It could be used for warmth when you come out of the mall to an unexpected snowstorm and your baby is in a teeshirt and a diaper. 2) It could serve as a carseat protectant from the harsh sun and heat and prevent 1st degree burns on your baby's bare legs. 3) You never know when your baby or other children is going to vomit in the car; it's not as uncommon as you might think and the chances increase if you are unprepared. 4) It serves nicely as "special seating" for guest passengers wearing dark pants that might not want the speckling of processed cheese on their hineys.

Dear Cinder-flippin-Ella,
How would you have handled this situation that arose this morning? Five minutes before we absolutely needed to leave so that my kindergartner won't be tardy, we discovered his only pair of shoes had been left outside in the rain. I spazzed out a bit before piling in the car and hitting Walmart and needless to say, my boy was tardy for school.
Signed, RainShoes

Dear Rainshoes,
Tsk tsk tsk, let's clarify a couple of things. Cinder-flippin-Ella would never have been in this situation for two very good reasons: 1) Cinder-flippin-Ella always has her children properly store their shoes in the shoe rack of their immaculate closets each night so that we always know where they are in the morning and 2) why on earth would you only have one pair of shoes for a kindergarten aged boy? Are you just trying to set yourself up for failure? Cinder-flippin-Ella recommends that you rush out to Walmart this very moment and purchase no fewer than 7 pairs of shoes in the next 3 sizes up so that you will never be in this predicament again.

Next time on The Cinder-Flippin-Ella Chronicles, how to properly clean plastic containers of food that have resided in your fridge for months.