Dorito Face

Is this kid not just a KID?  For the love of all creation, how does one resist this?  He thinks Doritos are "helfy snacks" because they are shaped like triangles and not all funky like Ruffles.  He has two scuffed up tattoos on his arms.  His shirt is a tad bit too large and I'm pretty sure he slept in it the night before.

And his face?  Seriously, how does one get Dorito flavoring all over your stinkin' face?  You pick the Dorito up, you take a bite or you shove the whole thing in your mouth...you should be able to bypass your cheeks.