How To Share A Bed With Small Children

1. Take one king sized bed.
2. Insert two smallish-sized children, preferably one about 60lbs and one about 30lbs.
3. Add one mom (normal-sized) and one dad (normal-to-skinny-sized).
4. Kick off all covers, because no one needs them with that amount of body heat (smallish children are usually mini-space heaters).
5. Turn one child sideways.
6. Push the mom to one edge of king sized bed and the dad to the other edge.
7. Place one piercingly-sharp child elbow into one parent's back. It works better if said parent has a bad back.
8. Take the knee of that same child and shove it into the armpit of the other parent. Smallish children mysteriously stretch across king sized beds in the middle of the night, so don't worry about hurting the child.
9. Poke the child laying sideways with long, sharp needles until he begins flailing and screaming and flailing and screaming.
10. Push exactly one-half of each parent's body off the bed, making sure to maintain a delicate balance on the precipice.
11. Enjoy!