Spiders and Mom

I loathe spiders.  Any size, any shape, I see no need for their existance.  They make me miserable.  Actually, they cause me to freeze up and freak out.

Fight or flight isn't even a part of my internal survival instincts.  Playing dead apparently is.

So this morning, I'm on the computer at the kitchen table and Paul is sitting next to me.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see something dark whiz past Paul, in a downward motion.  I turned my head and exclaimed "what was that?"  Maybe Paul had tossed something up and I missed that.

"A spider."  Paul said this all nonchalantly.

"A spider?!?  Where?"  I exclaimed not so nonchalantly.

"Wite here."  He turned his head downward and slightly moved his body.

A big ol' black spider was on the side of his green shirt.  And by big, I mean, fairly good sized.  Quarter sized.  It was one of those thicker, fuzzy black spiders.  And if I could stop my heart from panicking, I would go get a photo off the world wide web. 

But then I'd have to look at it again.

Within the span of 2 nanoseconds, I screamed and jumped up on the chair, AWAY from my son.  And then froze.  And then 3 seconds later, the maternal instinct kicked in and I grabbed a box on the table and swatted it off of Paul and onto the floor.  Daisy and Chewy attempted to maul it but I grabbed the flyswatter and beat it to death.

And then my dad came over and cleaned up the mess.

Reminds me of the time I was potty training Rachel.  She was sitting on her little plastic potty and I was squatting across from her and leaning against the vanity.  Just as nonchalantly as Paul, Rachel pointed to the other side of the vanity and goes "Mouse."  I turned my head, saw the mouse and ran.  Leaving my 2 year old in the bathroom with the creature.  I yelled at her to get out of there, which she did and then we slammed the door shut and called my mom.  Who came over and PICKED UP THE MOUSE with a towel and turned him outside.

Okay, so maybe I'm actually programmed for flight.  Flight, then freeze, then maternal instincts.  Wow, that's a great order, don't you think?