The Seven Foods of Highly Effective First Graders

Rachel opened up the freezer a few days ago and exclaimed "Why do we have so many Eggos in here?"

"You didn't hear about the Eggo shortage in America?"  Silly question on my part, because even if she wasn't up on her current events involving Eggo factories, she must have heard me ranting about this for the past few weeks.  Ever since I noticed I couldn't find Eggos in any store in the metro area.

And in case you hadn't heard, two of the waffle factories down in Atlanta had flooded, causing them to shut down production of the Eggo.  Causing the Great Waffle Shortage '09, which I'm certain has triggered other global catastrophes as well.

Don't snicker.  You think I jest, but ask my family, I most certainly am not joking about the Eggo crisis.

See, when your first grader only eats 7 things in the entire world and one of those things disappears from the grocery shelves, it is cause for concern at the highest level.

At first, I thought "okay, we'll survive.  We'll get through this together as a family."  And WalMart considerately stocked their freezers with the Great Value waffles, with a note on the doors sincerly apologizing for the Eggo shortage.

Great Value waffles are NOT the same as Eggo.  They look like Eggos.  But they are not Eggos.  Let me make that clear.  Even the toddler rejected the imposters.  It may be a great value (and actually, it's not always a "great" value, but maybe a "ten cent" value) but great value doesn't always translate into good tasting.

Then I discovered another brand, called Van's.  Organic waffles, shaped just like Eggos too.  I tried to slip one by Andy.  He took a couple bites.  "Um mom, these taste awful.  Are these MY waffles?"

No, son, they're not.  And initial reports from the Eggo big wigs say that your waffles won't be available until June possibly.  Dern bureaucrats.  But they did say they would do their best to make sure what was produced was equally distributed among the states. 

Do you know that I honestly considered calling up Homeland and asking them to call me when their shipment came in, regardless of the time of day?

Basically, about a week ago, I spotted a few boxes of Eggos in one store and I grabbed them.  And then I found a couple more boxes somewhere else.  I want you to know, that as selfish of a human being that I am and even with the maternal instincts all revved up, I did not take all the boxes I found.  Let me repeat that...I left some Eggos in the freezer section of the stores for other families to enjoy.

Because surely Andy's not the only weird eater in this world.  Huh.

Anywhoo, a Christmas miracle has happened today!  I was at Walmart and wheeled by to see if they had a box of regular ol' Eggos and lo and behold, it was stuffed full of yellow, honest to goodness, Eggo waffles.  Plain ones, blueberry ones and chocolate chip ones. 

It may be a bit early to declare this, but I'm going out on a limb to say the Great Waffle Shortage '09 is over, or at least through the crucial part.

Yes, I hear you.  What are the seven things he eats? And these are in no specific ranking.

1.  Eggos, plain.
2.  Toast, wheat and butter.
3.  Scrambled eggs (but don't call them scrambled)
4. Chicken nuggets (we have added chicken strips to the mix...edgy, I know)
5. Fish sticks
6. French fries (only if they are Ore Ida Crispers)
7. Nutri Grain bars (blueberry and strawberry only)
8.  Cheez Its
9. Oreos
10. Popsicles
11.  Orange sherbet or vanilla ice cream

I don't normally count numbers 8-11 because the nutritional value is a bit low there.  So there you have it.  The seven foods of highly effective first graders.