How Kindergarteners Pass Time in the Car

"Hey, look here. It's Batman." The toy is not Batman, kid. Learn your superheros.

"No, that's Captain America." Good boy.

"Does he turn good?" Um.

"He's always good, but he doesn't have any powers." No powers at all?

"Are we almost there?" Not even close.

"You guys, look! There's where my aunt gets her cows!" Your aunt has cows?

"Look, Tiffany's still behind us. Let's put our rocket boosters on and get away from her." Well, that is why I drive a Chrysler Town and Country minivan.

"Did you see iCarly when the guy jumped up and down and turned around?" Sounds funny.

"I don't watch iCarly. I like Spongebob." Ah, yes, the other yellow animated creature.

"Are we almost there?" I wish.

"Hey, you guys. That's where my aunt gets her cows!" Does she randomly take cows from other people's pastures?

"That's where I take my dog swimming. That lake right there." It's not a lake, it's a pond in the middle of someone else's ranch.

"Hey guys! Listen to this."

Pretend farting begins. Competition was stiff. Unrestrained laughter commences.

"Hey! Wait a minute. No, that's where my aunt gets her cows!" I wonder where she keeps these cows.

"Guys, listen to me..."

Pretend farting continues. More unrestrained laughter.

"Hey, is this the place? Awesome!" It is pretty.

"Awesome! I've been here before." I'm sure you have. For an exorcism.

"Me too." You too.

"Me too." And you.

"Well, I haven't been here, but I have been to Florida. And this summer I'm going to Montana." Way to up the ante.

"Hey, guys. This is the place, really, where my aunt gets her cows." Seriously, again with the cows?

"Can we take our seatbelts off?" Please do. And open the door and run as fast as you can to the other mothers in their spirit shirts who only agreed to drive their one kid and refused vehemently to drive other kids because they selfishly want to leave the track meet as soon as their kid is done.

The sarcasm indicates that I didn't enjoy the ride to Okarche for the track meet. I was more amused than anything. And grateful that I didn't have a car full of girls who cry at the slightest mean glance.

The track meet was fun. Andy's relay team came in 4th place and had he not been sick (he told me that morning that he didn't feel good and I told him to buck up 'cuz we're still going to the track meet), he might have done better in the softball throw. Oh, yeah, and if Mother Nature hadn't decided to whip out her northern blast of icy air, we'd all have enjoyed waiting around all day for the softball throw. As it was, we were all huddled up under borrowed blankets, shivering our way to the bitter end. My sick boy was in tears each time the softball throw called his name to throw again because it meant we couldn't leave (he didn't figure out if he just missed throwing the ball accurately into the tire, he wouldn't keep getting his name called).

And the best part? The other parents of the children in my van showed up to take their kids home from the track meet, so the ride home was quiet and peaceful.

Hey look, there's where my aunt gets her cows!